I have always prioritised having a beautiful home.
That’s never been the problem.

As an interior designer, creating calm, intentional spaces has been second nature to me for years.

My home has always been thoughtful, styled, organised - somewhere people walked into and immediately said, “Wow, it feels so peaceful here.”

And yet… I didn’t always feel peaceful.

What I noticed - long before I had language for trauma-informed somatic work or neuroaesthetics - was how deeply my body reacted to visual mess.

There was a season where I genuinely thought something was wrong with me.

I felt disconnected. Flat. Tired in a way sleep didn’t fix.
I’d get heart palpitations, or butterflies in my stomach for no apparent reason.
I would shut down emotionally randomly out of the blue.
My mind was busy, but my body felt miles away.
I couldn’t always feel joy properly — but I also couldn’t fully access sadness or rest either.

So once I started talking therapy I told my therapist I thought I was dissociated.
And honestly? In some ways, I absolutely was.

But what I didn’t realise at the time was this:
My nervous system had been stuck in survival mode for so long that I’d never learned how to listen to my body.